Booker Blogs

The Emily Diet

I suppose only those who are familiar with Eric’s blog and the movie “Devil Wears Prada” will know what this diet is about. For those of you who don’t….

“The Emily Diet - You eat nothing until you nearly pass out (passing out is optional…especially for the REALLY desperate of us dieters) and just about the time when you’re seeing stars/the light/Hugh Jackman [whatever rocks your boat baby!], you pop a cube of cheese into your mouth.”

It’s an effective way of losing weight by the stomach-ful, and fainting is but an inconvenient yet welcome* side effect. *Welcome cause you kinda don’t eat when you’re unconscious…. Other than that, the Emily Diet gets you into pretty dresses and yes, for those who are partial to gambling, the winnings of certain bets (here’s looking at you ERIC!). So it starts today for me. It started yesterday for Eric. We’re not competing or anything, we just share certain similarities…. You know… the odd button bursting out of its place… mine narrowly missed my coffee mug…… Eric’s hit a light bulb… *kidding* and the uncomfortable snugness of your normally comfie clothes…. Oh alright….Let’s face it!!!!! I’m wobbling about town like a walrus at a seafood buffet!!!!! So I HAVE TO DIET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Only…. We’re technically STILL in the Chinese New Year period… and there are STILL cookies on the coffee table….. and there are STILL dinners to go to….. and there’s STILL pink shandy in the fridge…. Life is not easy for a girl with fat genes…. Not any fat genes… I happen to be blessed with the kind that do a hiroshima on me the moment I LOOK at food…. Or if I accidentally… ACCIDENTALLY have some jam tarts back into my mouth… life is tough indeed!!!

So I’m not lunching today….ok maybe… MAYBE I’ll have a bit of low fat natural yoghurt….oooh and it being Super Discount Tuesday and all….. KFC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ONLY… of course… if that snack plate accidentally backs into me…. Hey, gimme a break… I’m ON A DIET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chinese New Year 2008!!!

It came and in the 2 days preceeding this Lunar year of the Rat, I had scrubbed, cleaned, dusted, wiped, mopped and washed an entire year’s worth. As I was mopping the floor for the final time before the 1^st day of new year, I silently thanked the genius who all those years ago came up with the superstitious decree that “Thou shall not sweep, mop nor clean” during the 1^st day. I suspect she was one of those people who like me, left EVERYTHING to be done in the 2 days preceeding the new year and would have killed herself (well almost) cleaning.

Again, there are gee gaws stuffed in boxes and tucked away, drawers are stuffed to the brim and some closet doors are threatening to bust out of their hinges BUT all looked fine for Chinese New Year where every available spot in the house was occupied by the loving bums of the Ong clan. I love Chinese New Year.

Ancestral prayers this year was a low key affair. I, as usual, the youngest and 4^th born in the family, fulfilled my purpose in life this year with gusto. What’s that purpose? To keep flies from the food of course. Only this year, it was done while reading the papers, Prince nuzzling my lap and to a big ass mug of butterscotch caramel baileys coffee….. aaaaaaah!!!

And if I had to pick a favourite moment… it would have to be the eve of CNY, midnite, just after prayers, the night air cooling  the embers of the burning inferno we started in the old kitchen sink in the front garden, the candles silently burning away and the perfume of the joss sticks permeating the air…. When as if on cue, the quiet cloudless midnight sky burst into a concerto of thunderous booms and bangs and the black sky was splattered with beautiful splotches of a thousand coloured fireworks!!!! It was magnificent… it went on for hours….. first this corner of the vast sky and then another corner lit up! It was simply bliss, after a long hard day of scrubbing and cleaning and cutting and dicing and cooking… to plonk myself on the boot of my mom’s car, ice cold shandy in hand,  watching the burning candles to my right, and looking up to the spectacular fireworks display late into the night. Nice!!!!!

As usual, I ate too much and hugged too little, laughed too loudly and gambled too sparingly…. All the time deflecting questions of “finding someone” and “get married already!!!” with a smile that said “sure, ask away, I don’t see how it’s any of your business….. and I really really don’t mind… really I DON’T” while I happily pocketed them ang pows :D. Also slept a fair bit this year…. I guess age IS catching up on mine old creaky bones. So here’s to a new year that will bring us all happiness, love, health and luck.

Gong Xi Gong Xi!!!

Evil becomes me…

Pei Yee has given birth to a healthy baby boy!!! Congratulations to her and the proud father :D!!!

And we indulged in what usually follows a happy occasion such as this… and cracked our heads to get the proud parents (and baby) a gift (also an excuse to check out cute happy colourful joyful (some preponderous) baby things! – like seriously…. a baby Porshe??!?!?!).

After many concussed sleepless nights, we decided on a baby monitor… one of those walkie talkie lookie likie thingies… only cause it’s for baby and mommy, it’s not in chrome or black.. but in bright green with a pastel orange handle… with happy lemon yellow buttons that summon soothing music… such a happy gift!!!!

So it came to be that Rosie and I volunteered to get the pressie.

The weight and trust of a whole bunch of us contributing to the gift on the shoulders of the both of us…. both librans… oh boy….*looks heavenwards, saying a little prayer*

Praying they’d have just ONE kind of them baby monitor thingies so it’ll be a point, pay and package procedure DIDN’T work…. Horror of horrors… they stocked TWO kinds of baby monitors….

Time stood still….

Rosie and I looked at each other… each holding Baby Monitor #1 and Baby Monitor # 2 in our hands, then wordlessly looked down, flipped the boxes over, and started reading….

Of course, we did the informed consumer thing and played “spot the difference”.

Both had similar functions…. They even used the same wording…. Lucky us! This part… not so tricky…

The tricky part came later….

Both came in DIFFERENT COLOURS!!!!!!!!!!

Oh man….

2 librans + 2 colours = 2 long to decide!!!!!!!!

So some 20 minutes or flipping from one colour to another later, and (of course) 2 phone calls to our respective life lines later, we FINALLY decided!!!

We were going with the green set…

And being smart consumers, we decided to test the product before making the purchase….

The product label said “100m distance (something something)….”. The length of the store was maybe 60 feet…. As in …. We could hear each other talking normally, each standing at one end of the store…. BUT….. try it out we must…

So I grabbed 1 half of the baby walkie talkie set and walked to the back of the store, Rosie stayed at the front of the store with the other….

Our watches synchronised, we plugged them in and WERE IN BUSINESS!!!!!

It’s amazing how talking into a happily coloured walkie talkie set can set one off into a giggly fit just like that…. so there we were, 2 thirty-somethings, in our proper office attire (Rosie with a jacket too), giggling into our green, yellow and orange walkie talkie sets…

Then, after 2 minutes of giggly nonsense, I realised that I was holding the Mommy part of the walkie talkie set and she, the Baby’s.

So in the straightest voice I could muster I said :-

Booker             :           “Rosie, I think to test this thing

                                   out properly, one of us has to cry”.

Rosie                :           *giggles*

Booker             :           “And since you’re holding the Baby walkie talkie

                                   piece, I have no choice but to let you cry…”

Rosie                :           “Hah!???!? Laugh can or not????”

Booker             :           “No Rosie, we’re getting this so they can hear

                                  the baby crying… you HAVE to cry”

Rosie                :           “HAAAAAAH!!??!??!?!”

                                    [reluctantly] “Oka……." *light bulb moment*

                                    “JOYCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Booker             :           *Damn! I was so close!!!*

I generally try to live my life being kind and compassionate… but sometimes… sometimes… evil becomes me. *:D*

Dancing Droplets

So it rained yesterday. In the morning. Somewhere between a drizzle and light wispy rain…. Light enough for you to dash from the front door to the car without an umbrella but too heavy to do anything else without one….

And I was in my heels. Person of my girth does NOT dash. Even in the latest technologically advanced, researched and developed pair of running shoes… so I opened my umbrella, and walked to my car…. And just where the indenture of Patchee’s bed the night before was… I saw happy little dancing droplets of rain water….These are rain drops that hit the surface of the pool of water collected on the roof of my car lightly as a feather and instantaneously turning into an energy packed little droplet of water whizzing about the surface of the pool of water like a two year old on ice skates on a SERIOUS sugar high!!!!

They were so delightful to watch. In the cool of the early morning… (okay, maybe not THAT early…. Hey… it wasn’t quite 10am yet….) the light pitter patter of the rain that wasn’t quite a drizzle falling all around me, the dancing droplets performing their crazy whizzy twirly dance, making the roof of my car seem like some internationally acclaimed ballet theatre….

I love light rain. Especially in the mornings…:D

When Sweetness Calls…

In the sweetest of voices, she asks me for the link to a very good friend’s wedding some months back. Nothing awkward about it…. except that she sounded so sweet. I mean, she doesn’t usually croak like a menopausal frog or anything … but it was the tone of her voice…. Something about that tone…. And as I mucked around my emails looking for the link… the niggling feeling I had that something was amiss crystalised!!!

She was using THAT TONE!!!!!!!!!!

You know… THAT TONE of voice you use when you’re about to do something sneaky…. Something nice sneaky… like someone trying to find out where exactly you’ll be at precisely 8.00pm on such and such a night so they can plan a surprise party… like someone casually asking for your dress size so she can get her that kickass top for your birthday…. Like someone ASKING FOR YOUR PHOTO SO SHE CAN SHOW IT TO SOMEONE ELSE FOR MATCHMAKING PURPOSES kinda sneaky!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Aiyoh…………. SHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ming    :           Hi!

                       [and this in itself is weird cause she usually just says

                        "Oi woman!”]

Me       :           Ooooooooi! What’s up?

                      [still blissfully unsuspicious… I can be so trusting at

                       times]

Ming    :           Eh…. [sounding saccharinely sweet] do you still have 

                      the link to Ah Poon’s KL wedding photos?

   [early warning # 1 : Perfectly formed sentence…]

   [early warning # 2 : in perfectly good grammar…]

Me       :         Got! I never delete ANYTHING! *muahahahahaha*

  You wan? I forward to you…. Wait ah…. (while 

  scrolling my gmail account which was, conveniently 

  open at 3.15pm on a work day afternoon…)

Ming    :           Oh! Or errr…. Do you have any group photos?

Me       :           Got! I downloaded some. What kind of group photos?

                       Only the ones with you in them? With the couple?

                       With the rest of the gang?

    [yes, I very free at work … sometimes…]

Ming    :           Err….. any group photo…

Me       :           Ok

Ming    :           BUT! MUST HAVE YOU IN IT!!!!!!!!!!!

Me       :         [one eyebrow raised…..it was at about this time that

                      what started as faraway little fairy bells started

                      chiming BIG TIME in my head!!!!!!]

  <pause>

  Why MING???!!?!?!

Ming    :           Errr, no la… I just wanna have a look…

Me       :         WHY MING??!?!?!

Ming    :           *SIGH!* [MY FULL NAME] JUST SEND ME A KICKASS

                        PHOTO OF YOURSELF LA OK! DON’T ASK SO

                        MANY  QUESTIONS!!!! DO YOU WANNA REMAIN

                        SINGLE FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

I love Ah Ming.

She’s so…. so….. caring….. and she’s so….. so…… subtle….

So what do I do??????

Sent her an entire portfolio of bootilicious shots of myself of course!!!!!!

She called me by my FULL NAME!!!!

Sigh…..*eyes looking heavenwards* the things I do for my friends!!!!!!!

Because I was told he still checks it every morning.

Because I was told he is consequently disappointed every morning.

Because even I am beginning to feel rather bad about neglecting it.

Today, I am blogging.

If ONLY not to disappoint you further Marc, read on.

October… last year at this time, I was standing on the precipice of a new decade in my life… a new chapter… a new phase, and as I stood there, eyes tightly shut, fervently praying, hands clenched, brow furrowed with worry, somehow, something in me coaxed my tightly shut eyes open, and I saw a world, my world. A world of beauty and smiles (only cause I’m surrounded by you beautiful people!!!)… As I silenced the fervent prayers, I heard the sounds filling my world…. Voices of people I hold so dear to me…. And as I relaxed, I felt surrounded by loved ones people who mattered to me…(and for the cushion and support all of you have given me, how can I thank you enough…) and that furrow melted away into a smile.

The trials and tribulations of growing up, of being something when you’re 30 all boiled down to that moment, the moment I turned 30 and I guess it was then that it hit me with startling clarity.

Everyone’s got their lot in life. So a year ago, I stood there and took a good long look at mine. And I realised, “Hey! It ain’t half bad.” It’s not always rainbows and butterflies…heck, at times it’s downrite painful…. but to me, *shrug*, I don’t think I’d trade it for anything. I’m quite happy with my lot in life thank you very much!!! Screwed up or not, complicated or not, worrisome or not, heartbreaking or not.

And it was then, a year ago… I told myself…. “Hey, chin up girl…. Life begins at 30!!!”

And boy what a year!!!!

I don’t lead a terribly interesting life. But what a year!!!!!!!!!! I don’t know how many of you can sincerely look at someone in the eye and with utter conviction reply their “How are you?” with “I’m happy”, but today, in my 31^st year… ladies and gentlemen, my dear dear friends, and my beloved family, I am happy.

So thank you. Thank you to all of you who’ve made me realise I am who I am. Me, with this lot of mine in the wonderfully amazing thing called Life.

This year, but a few short weeks ago, I told myself… “Hey, buckle up babe…. It’s only gonna get better!!!!”

XXXXXxxxxOOxooooXxoOOOoooOXXXxxxoOOOO

30,000 thoughts in my head, and I can’t pin any one of them down.

They’re buzzing around in my head, some excitedly, some languorously, some about the world I’ve built around me and love dearly, some I think are from my dreams and I cant make out if they’re real… and some so inconsequential I am embarrassed it’s in my head at all …. And try as I might…I still can’t pin a single one down…I don’t like having too many things in my head, kinda distracts me from the more meaningful things in life…. Like mummy’s home cooked loh shi fun on a drizzly Saturday morning … Like dreaming up new cocktail concoctions for the next themed party…. Like picking the right moment of the day for bathing Patchee then Prince… Like cleaning my car (I am determined to kena number for this one, so it has found it’s way on my weekend-to-do- list) and… Like curling up in bed reading that book I never quite finished….

I need to find a quiet corner somewhere, sit down and start sifting through my thoughts… if only they’d stay still long enough… and then I’ll be ok… for now, I’m a cross between Mad-Eye-Moony and Luna Lovegood (of Harry Potter fame) …. And I don’t like it….

Even alcohol isn’t helping…

Sigh….

Luigi

So Eric’s blog turns 1 today. And since he blardy sabo-ed mine, I feel so compelled to post an entry today.

Eric, for the record, MY BLOG IS YOUNGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is SO justified that it has something like 7 entries…ok…maybe 6, next to your 35,698!!!!!!!!!!!

Well for those of you who HAVE been reading my blog, you will remember Leonard. And for those of you who have also been reading Eric’s blog, you will know that Leonard, the one who caused my heart to literally skip some beats…. Left me…. and that’s alright, only he left me…. for Marcus…. And that’s STILL alright….but he left the shaded cushiony comforts of my car for the BONNET of Marcus’ where he was found living with dried leaves, dead flowers and twigs no less….. LEONARD!!!! HOW COULD YOU!!!!!?!??!!!!!

Well anyway, I’ve spent the past few weeks banishing every memory Leonard and I have ever made…. (if you sang the last few words as I did, yeah I know… I can be so unimaginative at times…. Sigh!). So *sad er-hu tune playing to the song “Wang Pu Liow” in the background* … Reeling from the hurt and betrayal…. Dragging my broken heart from a string behind me, dried autumn leaves rustling in the wind……I stare out to the great beyond (read : back seat of my car) thinking ….. Leonard…. How I shall miss thee!!! (read : “You little b*st*rd!!!! I give you a freaking HABITAT to live in and you choose…….”) My thoughts stop mid-sentence here…. For….(pause) What do I see??? *opening strains to “Pretty Woman” playing in the background*….

Could it be???? Is it he????  Cause looking at me, with his unblinking black eyes (nevermind he was upside down) from the safety belt of the back passenger seat of my car…was the most beautiful four legged cold bodied detachable tailed little fella I EVER laid eyes on….so what if he was 1 or 2 ounces heavier than Leonard, and so what if he was 3 oil-of-Ol*y whitening essence shades darker than Leonard…WHO’S COMPARING!??!?!??!!? Luigi is GORGEOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok… so maybe the rebound complex is running a bit high here…. No worries, sometime in the near future it’s gonna hit me that lizards scare me half to death, and that LUIGI (you handsome little upside down black beady eyed dark cold skinned creature you!) IS one.

So if you hear an ear piercing, back of neck hair raising, goose bump inducing scream in the middle of the day/night for no apparent reason, coming in the general direction of wondrous-Starbuck-ed Klang, that’s when you know… it hit me.

Tis the beginning of a new era???

I can finally get into SOMETHING sold in an immensely popular-with-young-women fashion outlet that is known by 3 letters, and also associates itself with a local fruit used in lassi …. I can’t believe it. When I tried it on, I wasn’t even sure what size I am now. Sure it’s their LARGEST-salesgirls-give-you-the-once-over size but WHO CARES!!!!!!!! IS this the beginning of a new era??!?!?!? Is it now possible for me to get clothes OTHER than places that carry plus sizes??!?!?!

Thought about it last night…after I walked into said fashion outlet (it was on sale, huge fuchsia 3-D cut outs splashing 70% in their windows) with Rosie and Yin. Yin told me about some fantastic jeans at a bargain and I looked around (usual bored look on my face… for in my mind NOTHING fitted me in that store created by skinny people for skinny people…) until the price tag caught my eye….wow…. not baaaad… for a pair of jeans…. And then Rosie passed me a pair. I held them up… ok.. sure they looked smaller than my usual pair of jeans… which is now held up by a belt, failing which it will fall off… and I thought.. hmmm…. Could it be????? Immediate natural reflex question… “Is this the largest size?”… when you’re a big girl, some questions just roll off your tongue more naturally than “Extra fries please”….so in I went and tried them on. And would you believe it?!!?! They FIT!!! So WHAT if my gut’s hanging out from the top of the jeans, enough to cast a shadow over my toes… and so WHAT if part of my butt’s sticking out too???? I’ll just get one of them “wide load” stickers…. THEY FIT!!!!!!!!!!!

For the first time in my life….I, Booker, bought something from what I have always thought as an overpriced,  skinny people fashion outlet. It was a pair of jeans, from the massive discount bin where stuff are just flung into haphazardly, where you practically have to do a 5 meter board dive to get to the good stuff…. But hey…I bought something!!!!!!!!! Did I mention that THEY FIT!!!!!!!!!?!! And more importantly…. They WERE on sale…..

So last night I thought about whether it WAS the beginning of a new era…. long and hard…. ok… not really…. It really only took me 3 minutes…. Cause that’s about the amount of time it took for me to take a deep breath, zip the jeans up, walk C3P-O style across the room to the mirror, see my gut… hello….turn around and greet my butt….. and still this wasn’t enough… for I was still convincing myself that … “Ok what!” {2 mins and 59 seconds had lapsed} but what happened in the last 1 second did it for me…I walked away from the mirror, and sat down in exhaustion on the bed..[hey, you try holding your breath for that long a period… it’s damn blardy TIRING!] …. So I plonked myself down on the bed……AND IMMEDIATELY SAT UP STRAIGHT!!!!! Cause the moment I sat down, my jeans rode down so low, the room was illuminated by skin that has NEVER seen the light of day before…… yagetwhatimean!!?!?!?!!!!…. haiyoh….

So yeah after thinking about it last night…. Hahaha… I think  “Nah…. WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING!!???!?!?!?!!??!” So it’ll still be my usual jeans, belt and all…. At least I’ll be comfortable… and errrr… it’ll do the job of keeping my nether regions well hidden!!!!!

Perhaps it was the full moon, or perhaps it was because I had not done it for the past 5 months, but last night, whatever it was that possessed me, I washed my car (what else!??!).

So yes, at 9.45pm, under the light of the pale orange full moon, I washed my car. Or shall I say, I gave my car a bath, for I really couldn’t make out if I had missed a spot, or two, or more….

And I would be so damn proud of myself in any usual circumstance, but last night, circumstances were far from usual… Perhaps, as I said, it was the full moon, I don’t know… but as I was giving my car a bath, I could feel Patchee’s eyes watching me, my every move… and this time, his usual loyal and unconditional devoted look was replaced by an accusatory one…and I couldn’t understand why…. till after I had finished the car bath.

As I was rinsing out the usual car washing equipment, crouched down by the tap in the front porch, Patchee, completely ignoring my presence, walked from the front porch towards the car (and I know this sounds bizarre) maybe it was the way he walked, but he made his way towards the car in what I can only describe as silent irritation. He inspected the car, looked hopelessly at the wet surroundings, sniffed at the car once, and walked noiselessly back to the front porch, again, completely ignoring me, whom he had to walk pass twice and would usually come close to for a friendly nuzzle.

But last night, he walked past me… and paused as he reached the front porch about 2 feet away from me, turned around to gaze at the car, and standing at his full height, holding his head up high, he turned and looked me dead in the eye. I was still crouched down, and eye to eye level, I had never seen Patchee look so regal before. And it was at that moment, I understood completely, his quiet displeasure at me.

For at that moment, as we made direct eye contact, I understood… and my gaze changed from curious wonder at his unusual behaviour to one of understanding and to one of apology, and his, from regal displeasure to one of silent reprimand to one of acceptance.

In washing my car so late at night, I had breached an unspoken understanding that my car (which he prefers over my mom’s) when retired for the night, we HIS domain. It was the one place in his little universe that belonged to him and him alone… no one else, not even  Prince had access to the roof of my car. By his gaze last night, he let me know that my car was not only his sentry point or his bed at night, but also the throne to his kingdom. And by the thoughtless act of washing my car so late last night, I had trespassed his territory, desecrated the throne to his kingdom, and worse, violated a space that he had with every scratch and every paw print made his own.

So yeah, I washed my car last night, and am sorry I was so thoughtless doing so.