Booker Blogs

It was the eve of Chinese New Year, on a cool breezy Saturday morning… It rained earlier, so everything was that much brighter… the grass greener, fresher, and the white of the walls, jumped out at you (maybe the me getting on my hands and knees and scrubbing had something to do with it…).

After the crazy hectic loud grimy and heart attack inducing Operasi Hide and Conceal which happened 24 hours before, the house actually looks decent…. well ok… some cupboard doors look like they’re ready to pop, but hey, the strategically placed coffee table and 2 seater will hold that dam from breaking… at least for the CNY week… ha ha…

So we’re done praying to my ancestors on CNY eve, I’m sitting on a little stool, on the porch, in front of an old mah jong table, watching the red prayer candles and jossticks, breathing in the perfume of incence burning, and the food we’ve prepared for my Ah Kong and Ah Ma….everything is quiet for a while…. the only sounds are of the birds chirping somewhere, andy lau singing some chinese new year number from the tv inside, and my thoughts….

"how peaceful…."

"Ah Kong, Ah Ma, (and for the benefit of my sister, Cha, it’s the Ong side punya Ah Kong and Ah Ma (paternal grandparents)- my confused sis thought the ancerstral prayers were for our maternal grandparents too….like the more the merrier…. sigh.. my poor Ah Kong and Ah Ma, probably wondering who she was happily talking to and worse, who this grandchild of theirs happily invited to share their chinese new year feast! kidding… i’m told my paternal grandparents ROCKED!!!) lai chiak [come makan!]"

(this is swiftly followed by a loooooooooong list of wishes I want from them) ha ha ha!

And, looking at the spread on the table….so much for "keeping it simple this year!". My mum as usual, cooked enough to feed an army…. and their extended family!!!!!!!!!!!!! and there are only 3 of us for lunch this year….. BUT…… every morsel is love, every bite is togetherness and every swallow reminds me of family. I love Chinese New Year!

Gong Xi Fa Cai everyone!

Gotta go, i hear a mah jong table opening somewhere….

I volunteered my car boot. No one objected.

So the muffins were laid there.

Plan :-

One of us opens the car boot, lights up all the candles, and bring the birthday girl out to the car.

It will be very pretty….

IMAGINE….. 32 of the best carrot walnut muffins ever, all iced with violet icing….each having a candle or a little cocktail umbrella…. (we lost a couple of umbrellas…. note to self…. little paper cocktail umbrella… NOT fireproof)… with generous sprinkles of rainbow coloured chocolate rice!!!! how not to be pretty????….

BUT…..I say imagine because… really, after you light up a million candles, all I could think about was how close the petrol tank was to that blazing inferno…. and for those of us there who forgot cars came with petrol tanks…. yes, it was 9 something-ish at night…. suitably dark…candles lit, very romantic effect…. BUT…. i dont think ANYONE was really looking at the pretty muffins-made-prettier-in-the-glow-of-candlelight……. WHY???!?!? ….sigh…

…..

So we brought the birthday girl out to the car… to the melodious "Happy Birthday" song sung completely out of tune at the top of our lungs….. we didnt even start that the same time… so imagine the vienna boys choir like sounds coming from the group of 9 of us… it went something like this…

"HairPee bURdaY to yuuuuuuuuuuuuu"

(ms. out of beat singing the same thing only 2 beats behind everyone else, and to add flavour to the rendition…. in a different chord altogether)

"HaRepEa BerFdey to yUUUUUuuuuu"

"H…..aiRpEie BirfDei to …. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

(for the record # 1 : no, the birthday girl’s name is not Eeeeek!!!)

(for the record # 2:  no, Eric was not there last nite….just in case, you know… some of u thought it was him…..)

What happened to prompt the shriek?????

Hugo….

That’s the name of the little teeny weeny I’m-so-small-booker-thought-i-was-an-ant roachie babe that ran across 32 wonderfully baked violet iced muffins that were sitting in my car boot last night.

What??!?!???!!!!! There was ONLY one… and he was TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And the muffins were really yummy…….

Okay… so far, I’ve gotten 5 independent offers, on 5 separate occasions, from 5 different people (who have not been in contact with each other) to clean my car… WHAT’S YOUR POINT!!?!?!? Are you guys TRYING to tell me something??!!?!?!?!?!!!!

I have work up to my eyeballs! And this is AFTER it has spilled over from the top of my head… sigh… and there’s quite a lot of me to fill…..

So I’ve been religiously packing work home, making quite an event of packing up the lap top to bring home… (or note book… hey! am not as dumb ass as I look….) and this is to ENSURE that I actually BRING the work into the house… otherwise, the papers never leave the car…. SIGH!!!!!!!!!!!!…… Well at least lately, I’ve been good…. I actually bring the lap top (or note book) into the house… where it stays neatly packed (ok.. who am I kidding… I NEVER do anything neatly… doesn’t gel with my err….. creative (!!?!?!!?) nature…. Sure……

And why is this so????

1.         Mental Shut Down

It’s confirmed….my brain automatically shuts down when I’m overwhelmed with work… nature blessed me with  the most effective way of dealing with stress….. I shut down…. The way I see it… if it’s stressful… don’t think about it…

So if u see me walking around, looking seemingly very zen…. silly grin on my face (optional…. depending on severity of stress level), eyes glazed over…. Pity me… buy me a drink… I’m overwhelmed at work…

2.         Apathy

Don’t wanna spoil market …..I understand what my fellow comrades of this joy sapping, happiness depleting, hair loss and critical illness inducing profession are going through… so you good people can thank me later…. Easy….buy me a drink…. U don’t need to give me any reasons… I’ll understand, and be grateful.

3.         Quality time

Hey, a girl’s gotta spend quality time at home…. I need to show I care…. People like Ian Wright, them Cocktail Kings, those desperate housewives and the beautifully tattooed Ami  do what they do because people like me give them the time of day….hey they are pretty to look at… AND there are lessons to be learnt….. like how to get your hands on some young hot bodied gardeners… go Eva! Or some hot bodied plumbers…go Terry! or just some plain hot bodies…. Thank you God, for putting Allan Wu on tv…

4.         Time Management

How many of you do this… You get home… plonk the lap top (or notebook) next to the doorway…. And think….“I’ll work my ass off tomorrow”… Ha ha ha…Nothing but good ole.. time management…

Speaking of which, it is 11.00am on the morning after the night when I brought home my lap top (or notebook)…. And… have I started working????….. I think you know the answer to that…. Time management… time management….

Le Tour de Langkawi starts today…

There’s a team competing called "Le Tua"…

Hee hee… THAT’S what i call CUTE!

Ok…. Everyone’s done it… I’m doing it too. *something very comforting about herd mentality… I like!*.. and before you all start looking around making sure no one else is in the room with you (sigh!!!) it’s not that kind of “it”…. “IT” for today is actually blogging about my mum… ha ha ha…. I love her to bits, same person who gave me life, nurtured me, gives me multiple heart attacks and anxiety bouts every time she calls and basically opens her mouth in my general direction… and the best part????? Oh Lucky Me…. I live at home….with mummy…. AND daddy…. OH LUCKY ME INDEED!!!

Because my job is a stroke inducing health hazard in itself, I’ll leave out the bits where Mummy dearest makes me glad I’m paying an obscene amount of money every month for my medical insurance…..

So here goes…..

(i)         This is after we watched Devil Wears Prada…. And incidentally, I’d just starved myself for 2 months before that so I mercifully lost some weight.. all 500 gms of it… So I went up to mummy dearest and in an attempt to get a pat on the back and maybe some shopping money….said:-

“Look Ma! No butt! My pants are falling off… I sooooooo need a new wardrobe…” *blink blink*

          My mummy looks me over, stares at me dead in the eye and says :-

“So, eat more carbs!”       

I fell down laughing…..I love you mummy…

(ii)        Went with her and dad to catch a movie… I don’t remember the show… but HELL! I remember what happened in the cinema! Aiyoh…. Very shy….

            So we got seats in a 4 seater at the side of the cinema… we took the 3 seats closest to the aisle leaving the wall seat empty…. 15 mins into the movie, this rather hot looking guy in really nice office attire (at least I think so… the only light came from the cinema screen BEHIND the stud muffin…) Fate’s so kind sometimes, he was the poor sod who had the seat closest to the wall…. So I moved over, letting him pass, then this part gets kinda awkward…. Butt facing us, he crabbed his way in… only something happened as he was err crabbing in front of Mummy dearest cause I saw her reach both hands out and literally GRAB THIS GUY’S ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Aiyoh…. IMMEDIATE thoughts to my head was “OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Get outta therE!!!!” so damn shy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but the guy was a sweetheart…. He didn’t bat an eyelid, or butt cheek for the matter, he just continued crabbing till he reached his seat. Entire movie, I was seated with deflated chest, eyes shut… eyebrows furrowed in prayer…. PLEASE LET HIM BE ASLEEP WHEN THE LIGHTS COME ON… PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(you see why I don’t remember the movie????!? Wasted my RM10!)

Anyways, lights came on, I ran out of the cinema, and waited for parents outside… sigh… to this day, my Mummy refuses to tell me anything about it…. She still giggles like little girl and turns russet red everytime we talk about it… well she’s my mummy, and I’ll love her no matter what… but you gotta admit…. HOW la NOT to love her more like that!?!?! I hope I end up with the balls to go grab some cutie’s ass when I’m in my 60-ies!!

(iii)       And…. I also love my mummy for her supreme, unsurpassed and blind faith, belief and confidence in my man hunting skills….sigh…

The following conversation happens everytime I go out at night… EACH and EVERY time….has been happening for the past 12 years or so….

Me :                 Mummy I’m going out.

            Mummy:           Where u going?

Me        :          Fire (for the benefit of those who are unfamiliar….this place was a discotheque of sorts (yes, it’s THAT long ago) that used to exist in KL… think it literally burned down 12 years ago….)

            Mummy:           Whom with?

Me       :           Oh you know, Jack, Leonard (sometimes I’m so un-

                        creative), and Bryan… some guys I met on the internet…

            Mummy:           Ok. Don’t come back if it’s too late.

            Me       :           …… sigh……

            OR

            Me       :           Mummy I’m going out.

            Mummy:           Where u going?

            Me       :           Eloping tonite… we’re not sure yet… maybe

                                   Golok.

            Mummy:           Whom with?

            Me     :             I haven’t decided…. It’s either Russell or

                                   Nick.

Mummy:              Ok. Don’t come back if it’s too late.

            Me       :           ….. DOUBLE SIGH!……….

            Can you see why I love my mummy?