Booker Blogs

Ok ok… I get it…. I don’t blog “prodigiously” enough… (like “often” is not a perfectly good word!)….

Liz, Seduction 101 – Lesson 3 is in the works… Coming to you soon – Spring 2007

Haiyoh… BUSYLA!!!!!!!!!

Anyways, was reading Eric’s blog and his melodramatic sagas with his car….sigh….car talk.

AIYOOOO my car…

And I am a lady driver. I do not chaff and scoff at people rolling their eyes and shaking their heads at lady drivers, I do not pretend to be a feminist and join the eye rolling and sometimes rude gestures at women…(although the eye rolling thing kinda helps with the making my eyes look bigger hence prettier thing…) … WHY???? …. Are u ready for this???? Cause I am a quintessential, typical, 100% certified lady driver myself…. *cue APPLAUSE*…..

How do I know this????

(yes Eric, am borrowing [not emulating, not copying, not imitating hence no flattery intended…] your style which you SO imitated from someone whom I shall not mention here – my heart is weak…..and he blog(ged) SO DAMN WELL!!!!!)

1.             I’ve got a collection of dried fruit cores in my car. Usual suspects are apples and pears (that is.. I THINK they are cores of apples and pears…. The fuzzy black moldy stuff on it really makes it a tough guess….) Anyways, they are good for nutrition and digestion I am told.

2.             I’ve got receipts from 2002… enough said.

3.             At latest count, the following that have permanent resident status in my car :-

                (a)           a healthy colony of baby cockroaches

                               

                Before you all start gasping in horror (especially the drama queen – we ALL know who I’m talking about….)… my little roachie babies live in a plastic canister which stores wheat biscuits…. (yes, another one of my long term No-Lunch-To-Lose-Weight bright ideas gone awry….) the plastic canister never left the boot of my car and is now a habitat.

Never waste.

                (b)           some ants….

Think the dried fruit core have something to do with this….

                (c)           a lizard

and saying that makes the skin on my back crawl…. Literally.. am cringing and frowning as I write this… Sigh… I DISLIKE lizards….. cold and soft.. bleargh…… BUT!!!!!!!!!!! I am NOT into animal cruelty…. And was driving around and as fate would have it… I was putting on some lippie using the rearview mirror….and I noticed this little bugger sun bathing on my windscreen…. (he actually looked really cool…. Suction discs on his little fingers and toes spread to even out body weight, head and shoulders held  up proudly skyward…. All the while shivering and shaking like there’s no tomorrow… and I was doing 20km/hr (I am a safe driver… go any faster and the car shakes too much for lipstick application)…. So I pulled over, and opened the door to get out… with the intention of flicking the poor thing off my windscreen… BUT….. (and this is horrific… I still have nightmares…. GOSH my skin is still crawling just thinking of it!!!!!)……THE STUPID LITTLE THING RAN INTO MY CAR….. I admit it now… I FROZE…… and it’s like in the movies where everything flashes in front of you slow-mo….. well I had a slow-mo moment there and then……only in my slow-mo replay of what just happened, there were 2 of me… one sitting frozen (with lipstick perfectly applied) in my car seat, hand on door handle, door half open…. And the other was me, the psychotic maniac bashing my bitch stick over my pretty face with perfectly applied lipstick (hey, I’m allowed pretty…. It’s MY imagination) for the SHEER STUPIDITY of what I had just done….

Anyways, Leonard (I’ve decided to name him) is still lurking somewhere in my car…. I’ve not seen him… or his skeleton…. I was jittery getting into my car for a whole 2 months after my act of genius… but am pretty ok with it now… (pretty not in the sense as stated above… )… in case, u know… anyone of u were genuinely concerned….

(d)           me

Spend a lot of time in my car, running errands, getting to and from work…. So I’ve got a whole wardrobe in there (with matching accessories to boot) a whole range of toiletteries and oh about 7 pairs of footwear. A girl must ALWAYS be ready J

And I haven’t even BEGUN to tell you about MY car trouble…. Also very drama….but that’s for another blog, another time….

Thanks for stopping by!

I’m hot. And before you start thinking I am majorly perasaing here…. I don’t mean it that way… Try imagining a furnace… or an oven, heated by the powerful force of the Malaysian morning sun, multiply the heat factor by 100,000, and now, try imagining sitting in that freaking furnace from 9am to 5.30pm, together with 50 other people!!!!!!!!!!!!!….now you’re begginning to get the picture…

Why am I pretending to be a pizza you ask????? Sigh…. The air-conditioning in my office block… yes, the entire office BLOCK is out. This happened on Monday… it is now Friday. 120 hours have passed… and they still can’t get it fixed… and we’re told it’ll take a whole full MONTH before it’s rectified…. Kill me now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I’m in my room….sweating, my face looks like an oil slick, my armpits feel like an Olympic size swimming pool, and it’s only 10.30am. Dear God…. Block my sweat ducts and oil ducts please…. Or better yet…. Block the sweat ducts and oil ducts of my colleagues…. You get the picture…. where are my mint leaves again????

Welcome 2007!

You know it was a good, no, a FANTASTIC new year’s eve party when :-

(a) you get sms-es the next morning from people swearing never to drink with you ever again.. hee hee hee…

(b) you get emails begging for discretion at who the photos *GASP!* yes, photos of what happened that night went out to;

But…. the most priceless thing of the night….

The look on Eric’s face when I suggested we started doing shots… well we HAD all that vodka….. no sense in wasting them… and I had… purely by accident you must understand… opened 3 bottles of vodka which were screaming to be downed and there were several more bottles just waiting to be mixed….Lest you think Eric has not done shots before…. Oh no… it wasn’t the fact that we were going to down SHOTS in his lovely spruced up apartment that he gawked at…. more so when he heard THE MANNER in which we were gonna do it.. Shots I mean…. Purely in the name of harmless, inconsequential good old fun I say… Ha ha ha….

Since discretion is the high order of the day, no names shall be mentioned saved for Eric’s… for he really was the star of the show, running around, sweating buckets, making sure all his 13, 459 guests were well taken care of… ok…I exaggerated a tad… I stopped counting after the 5, 483rd guest walked in….

So he calls in the afternoon before the evening that was and asks for my estimated time of arrival… the conversation went something like this….

Eric (all chirpy and polite)

“Babes! (hmmm he only uses this term of endearment when I’m mixing drinks at his parties….) what time you getting here?”

Me (eyes all wide, breath stuck in throat….why?… the limes were not prepared, the lime syrup was not even started, house warming present not ready and don’t even ask me about the fruit salad!!!!!- all the while trying to sound all chirpy and oh so happy he called….)

“Well, party starts at 8.30pm rite? I’ll be there at 8.30pm then”.

Eric (dead silence……………..)

…….….

Me (oh SHIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!! Me and my big ‘shall I come early to help out’ mouth!!!!!)

“Er… sweets (purely to soften the shelling I could feel was coming my way…) you want me there earlier?”

Eric (pure sarcasm oozing lazily out of the very core of his ..uhm…heart….in the smoothest tone of voice)

“Don’t you want to come early to set up the bar?”

Me (falling apart to 30,000 pieces from the icicles that had just cut through me from that one sentence so eloquently uttered, with just the right touch of sarcasm so undoubtedly coated with tact….)

“Oh (sounding like an ass!) OK! (pretending to sound chirpy which I’m sure Eric saw right through)…. I’ll be there at 8pm then! BYE! See you then! Bye!”

In my haste to end the conversation, (which I desperately wanted to before I broke down and started begging Eric for forgiveness at my tardiness and inconsiderate nature) I forgot to ask him for his apartment number… sigh… see below.

So a couple of friends and I showed up at about 8pm…. Went to the guard house to register. Pretty simple standard fare… only problem is… I didn’t have Eric’s apartment number… so I pretended to call Eric (which the idiot didn’t answer) so what did I do???? In a very James Bond like nature, I spied at the earlier entries in the guard’s register book to see what the apartment numbers were like… and kinda figured out that there was a Block (Letter of Alphabet) then came the Storey (highest entry there was 23rd floor) and then Unit No…cool… so…incorporating some of my Seduction 101 tactics, I managed to charm my way into getting my car in…(pay attention students of mine… yes, even my virtual student… you know who you are!) With the sweetest smile I could muster, and a slight tilt of my head, I beamed at the guard, flicked my hair back slightly, and said very confidently… Block F, 23rd Floor (or 22nd Floor I really don’t remember) Apartment No. 02…. WHICH WAS ABSOLUTE BOLLOCKS! I apologise to Eric’s neighbour whose apartment number I plagiarised. I blame it entirely on Eric, who by all means SHOULD HAVE HAD HIS PHONE PLUGGED TO HIS BELLY BUTTON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but he didn’t.

So we walked a mini marathonlike long way to Eric’s block… I swear, 15lbs lighter from dehydration later, we reach his block. And this time, he mercifully answers his phone…. And we get in to his apartment without incident. And his place looked FABULOUS! Soft lighting to complement the sheer curtain dividers which added a romantic touch to the 2 seater and lamp reading area… well done Big Guy!…. Anyways, I digress…. Back to the drinks… so he asked me to get there early to set up the bar right…. We get there… we plonk all the mixers, bottles and equipment in the kitchen and looked around…..hmmm… ok…the bar……..the bar… should be easy to spot…. twiddle twiddle my little thumbs… so I looked around some more… waiting for Eric to point out the bar…. When he didn’t after an eternity of uncomfortable silence… and worrying we might miss 2007 altogether,…. I asked him where the bar was…. And let me tell you this… yes, you Eric…. Very very special you, and please remember I love you anyways ok…? THE KITCHEN SINK IS NOT A BAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But you accept your friends and their kitchen sinks as they are and so, set up the bar we did. And what a BLAST it was! Glorious food, ORGASMIC drinks, fireworks, crazy drinking games, curiously downed shots, LOADS of laughter, PLENTY of hugs and kisses, some puking and chucking (I’m told out the window… from the 23rd floor….EWWWW!!!!) and some crashing in Eric’s spare bedroom later, suddenly…. it was time to go.

With everyone sobered up, we left.

Thanks Eric, you’re the BEST….May 2007 be a fantastic year for you and all of you reading this.